I work. I work for compassion and love and light. And a pay check.
I work to not compare myself to those who work while holding together a family nor those whose work is their children and I see clearly that for some there is no choice.
I work because worrying amounts to nothing.
I work on planes/in coffee shops/near dying people and hopeful healers/in cars/at birthdays/on vacations. I work in heels.
I work to sweep my porch and the porches of my neighbors with hopes they, too, will reach and help the neighbors I cannot.
I work to support my sisters whose hearts inspire clear voices designed to direct change. And I work also for my sisters who quietly march in their daily life to share compassion and light in every moment right where they stand. Right now.
For each of these women have courage and passion and heart. Together across the continuum of sisterhood we work.
Daily.
Kindly.
Bravely.
Boldly.
We women work.
*This is not a political post. This is a promise to myself and to you.
Friday, January 20, 2017
Monday, April 27, 2015
Day 2: Most Certainly P. Capital P.
DAY 2: How have you changed in the past 2 years?
Lord. What hasn't changed? To spout off a couple of quick ones: My hair's longer, my waist is smaller, I live in Ohio, I use wrinkle cream, I wear red lipstick with confidence, I wear heels less, I spend money on good seats at concerts, I am a senior team member at work, I walk to work, I went skiing, did I mention that I LIVE IN OHIO?!?!?! I've lost friends, I've made new ones. I've lost boys, I got new ones. I lost my path and passion and I'm working on getting that back. And frankly as someone who is a creative, mindful, and slightly introverted type, change is something I work for at all times. Progress, not perfection.
And despite all my efforts to have my outer-confidence match an inner strength, the one thing in my world that has not, will not, cannot ever change creates the greatest barrier to this peace. (Trite saying you might find on a pillow forthcoming...) The only thing certain is uncertainty. And with uncertainty comes the dreaded What Ifs. What if this happens? Or what if it doesn't? Will my boss be mad? Will he break up with me? What if I stay? But then what if I go? What if I fail? What if...what if...what if...And really our fears and anxiety grow from the What Ifs, . I heard someone speak on my favorite podcast recently (and I'll work on finding the proper source) say something to the effect of...the key to happiness is not things, or the right people, or the right body, or the right job, or the right anything, rather it's our ability to handle the uncertainty that life brings every day. Listen again:
It's our ability for faith, trust, grace, community, and compassion and our ability to stay open and our ability to be still with pain and challenge and fear. It's why a lot of people put their uncertainty into the hands of spiritual and religious entities. The weight of that uncertainty is a TON for one person to carry alone.
And in addition to this, creating my completely unsatisfying truth, on the Myers Briggs Scale on the J/P spectrum I test P for 'perceptions". This result associates my preference to take in information when interacting with the outer world. This does not make me more or less introverted and this trait can clearly be seen when making decisions. According to the site, "Sometimes I stay open to taking in information so long that I miss a chance to make a decision at all". I can what if a situation to death before it's even off the ground. And not that I am unable to make decisions (I mean I'm going to be the last to order at dinner...so get used to that), but when interacting with the outside world it's almost like I get so into the process and the journey that I forget the goal. I'm the opposite of people who forget to find joy in the journey - or whatever that pillow saying is. And truly, my P-ness (teehee) is also what makes me very good at my job. So I don't want to discredit this observational state, nor being 'spontaneous, a burst of energy (with a counter burst of nothing), and...loose and casual appearance'. It suits me and I am a successful adult.
But I'd be lying if I didn't say I wish it were different. Like I mentioned, the what ifs cause the anxieties in us...who wants that for themselves, especially if it's something we recognize! nd I've always been this way.Parents and teachers can all offer stories of me as a child panicking over choices and consequences. Stories, that Amy Poehler says, "creates the deep grooves in the vinyl of my life." It's my P-ness. It's totally Gage.
And hardest part of it all is that if I allow it, my P-ness can produce paralyzing anxiety FROM NOWHERE. The other day this actually where my mind took me...I'm not making this up:
...Planning a trip for a friend to come spend a week with me from Hawaii....
...we should go to Nashville for a couple nights...
...I wonder if anyone is playing at the Ryman...
...The Ryman is on my bucket list...
...Mother went to the Ryman recently.
...Closest I have ever been to the Ryman was eating a hotdog outside of it after my friend DirtyBear's wedding
...I would love to have a wedding in a space like she did.
...what if I never get married.
WAIT, WHAT?!?!?! Yup. Seriously a 20 seconds progression and I spent about 20 minutes on the idea that I may not ever get married and whether I was really REALLY okay with it. But this panic can only exists with that fear of what if. what if. what if. what if. So in recent years I have found that by looking the anxiety in the eye and saying, "yeah...what if...now get moving" I can get past it. Usually.
I just have to remember to do it and not stand in my own way.
And if your P-ness is getting in your way, you should remember to do it too. And certainly don't let those who are better at making decisions (J's on the Myers Briggs) get in your way or bring you down, either. Their ability to make such fast decision can cause envy and sometimes anger because they won't let you take your time and if you start to compare yourself to those who can make choices easily...oye. Comparisons and self-doubt and more what-ifs. . I recently went to the market with capital J and as I was circling the store for the second time assessing all the goods offered he said, "you're pace is maddening". Yeah well, my decision of what to make was all based on what the store had so that I didn't have to go to another. So it was all very precise and ultimately time saving but he got frustrated and walked outside to wait. I circled the store a third time. And made amazing guacamole. DON'T LET OTHERS J-NESS GET IN THE WAY OF YOU P-NESS!
And that's not to say that J's need not practice in keeping their What Ifs away. They aren't off the hook entirely and I am certain there comes anxiety with making and believing in precise and definitive choices. So let's practice facing the uncertainty together. Let's be patient and kind with each other as we try to figure out why today's uncertainty might take longer to move past. Let's help each other through candid moments as we fumble along this this uncertain ride.
Away we go,
Gage
Lord. What hasn't changed? To spout off a couple of quick ones: My hair's longer, my waist is smaller, I live in Ohio, I use wrinkle cream, I wear red lipstick with confidence, I wear heels less, I spend money on good seats at concerts, I am a senior team member at work, I walk to work, I went skiing, did I mention that I LIVE IN OHIO?!?!?! I've lost friends, I've made new ones. I've lost boys, I got new ones. I lost my path and passion and I'm working on getting that back. And frankly as someone who is a creative, mindful, and slightly introverted type, change is something I work for at all times. Progress, not perfection.
And despite all my efforts to have my outer-confidence match an inner strength, the one thing in my world that has not, will not, cannot ever change creates the greatest barrier to this peace. (Trite saying you might find on a pillow forthcoming...) The only thing certain is uncertainty. And with uncertainty comes the dreaded What Ifs. What if this happens? Or what if it doesn't? Will my boss be mad? Will he break up with me? What if I stay? But then what if I go? What if I fail? What if...what if...what if...And really our fears and anxiety grow from the What Ifs, . I heard someone speak on my favorite podcast recently (and I'll work on finding the proper source) say something to the effect of...the key to happiness is not things, or the right people, or the right body, or the right job, or the right anything, rather it's our ability to handle the uncertainty that life brings every day. Listen again:
It is our ability to handle the uncertainty that life brings every day.
And in addition to this, creating my completely unsatisfying truth, on the Myers Briggs Scale on the J/P spectrum I test P for 'perceptions". This result associates my preference to take in information when interacting with the outer world. This does not make me more or less introverted and this trait can clearly be seen when making decisions. According to the site, "Sometimes I stay open to taking in information so long that I miss a chance to make a decision at all". I can what if a situation to death before it's even off the ground. And not that I am unable to make decisions (I mean I'm going to be the last to order at dinner...so get used to that), but when interacting with the outside world it's almost like I get so into the process and the journey that I forget the goal. I'm the opposite of people who forget to find joy in the journey - or whatever that pillow saying is. And truly, my P-ness (teehee) is also what makes me very good at my job. So I don't want to discredit this observational state, nor being 'spontaneous, a burst of energy (with a counter burst of nothing), and...loose and casual appearance'. It suits me and I am a successful adult.
But I'd be lying if I didn't say I wish it were different. Like I mentioned, the what ifs cause the anxieties in us...who wants that for themselves, especially if it's something we recognize! nd I've always been this way.Parents and teachers can all offer stories of me as a child panicking over choices and consequences. Stories, that Amy Poehler says, "creates the deep grooves in the vinyl of my life." It's my P-ness. It's totally Gage.
And hardest part of it all is that if I allow it, my P-ness can produce paralyzing anxiety FROM NOWHERE. The other day this actually where my mind took me...I'm not making this up:
...Planning a trip for a friend to come spend a week with me from Hawaii....
...we should go to Nashville for a couple nights...
...I wonder if anyone is playing at the Ryman...
...The Ryman is on my bucket list...
...Mother went to the Ryman recently.
...Closest I have ever been to the Ryman was eating a hotdog outside of it after my friend DirtyBear's wedding
...I would love to have a wedding in a space like she did.
...what if I never get married.
WAIT, WHAT?!?!?! Yup. Seriously a 20 seconds progression and I spent about 20 minutes on the idea that I may not ever get married and whether I was really REALLY okay with it. But this panic can only exists with that fear of what if. what if. what if. what if. So in recent years I have found that by looking the anxiety in the eye and saying, "yeah...what if...now get moving" I can get past it. Usually.
I just have to remember to do it and not stand in my own way.
And if your P-ness is getting in your way, you should remember to do it too. And certainly don't let those who are better at making decisions (J's on the Myers Briggs) get in your way or bring you down, either. Their ability to make such fast decision can cause envy and sometimes anger because they won't let you take your time and if you start to compare yourself to those who can make choices easily...oye. Comparisons and self-doubt and more what-ifs. . I recently went to the market with capital J and as I was circling the store for the second time assessing all the goods offered he said, "you're pace is maddening". Yeah well, my decision of what to make was all based on what the store had so that I didn't have to go to another. So it was all very precise and ultimately time saving but he got frustrated and walked outside to wait. I circled the store a third time. And made amazing guacamole. DON'T LET OTHERS J-NESS GET IN THE WAY OF YOU P-NESS!
And that's not to say that J's need not practice in keeping their What Ifs away. They aren't off the hook entirely and I am certain there comes anxiety with making and believing in precise and definitive choices. So let's practice facing the uncertainty together. Let's be patient and kind with each other as we try to figure out why today's uncertainty might take longer to move past. Let's help each other through candid moments as we fumble along this this uncertain ride.
Away we go,
Gage
Monday, April 20, 2015
Day 1 - I'm Always Alone...
I've been listening to a lot of podcast lately, most having the themes of human behavior, habit formation, and passion seeking. For those that know me best might agree that it's my human behavior not to form habits and manifest passion wherever I stand so that I may create pleasure for myself. I'm a butterfly chaser. A tiny girl on top of a windy hill on a sunny day with a net, yet with the age and wisdom in my heart to know that you can't catch anything that way. But what all these podcasts tell me is that really you'll never catch anything if you don't know what you're chasing. So i've been reflecting a lot on what I want to go after. A lot. Like from the moment I wake up to my last meditative breath at night. When i walk to work, when I run, when I shower, when I stare at the walls (more on that hobby soon), it is ever on my mind.
And what all the podcast'ers tell me is small steps are the most important ones. I really enjoy writing. I really lack self-discipline that it takes to become a "real" writer. Plus I have no idea what I'd be writing if I said, 'sit down and write for an hour every day'. Or every Tuesday or...whatever. Habit forming and self-discipline are not attributes i'm know for. But I WANT to write. I want to use the platform to help me process things. I WANT this to be something I NEED. It's my hope that the practice of writing will lend itself to the habit of creativity and the benefits of a clear mind.
They say that taking small steps consistently add up to meaningful progress. But where do I begin? Right next to self-discipline, and habit formation, decision making is also on my list of things I suck at. So I do what any modern lady would do when looking for advice...I turned to Pinterest.
And there I found, as one of my favorite bloggers suggested I may, a 30 Day Blogging challenge. I actually found about 300. And due to the aforementioned issues with decision making I just saved the first one I opened and backed away slowly from the rest. So I'm going to do it. Starting now. Be certain this will take longer than 30 days as there is zero chance this will happen consecutively. Zero. But away we go.
And what all the podcast'ers tell me is small steps are the most important ones. I really enjoy writing. I really lack self-discipline that it takes to become a "real" writer. Plus I have no idea what I'd be writing if I said, 'sit down and write for an hour every day'. Or every Tuesday or...whatever. Habit forming and self-discipline are not attributes i'm know for. But I WANT to write. I want to use the platform to help me process things. I WANT this to be something I NEED. It's my hope that the practice of writing will lend itself to the habit of creativity and the benefits of a clear mind.
They say that taking small steps consistently add up to meaningful progress. But where do I begin? Right next to self-discipline, and habit formation, decision making is also on my list of things I suck at. So I do what any modern lady would do when looking for advice...I turned to Pinterest.
And there I found, as one of my favorite bloggers suggested I may, a 30 Day Blogging challenge. I actually found about 300. And due to the aforementioned issues with decision making I just saved the first one I opened and backed away slowly from the rest. So I'm going to do it. Starting now. Be certain this will take longer than 30 days as there is zero chance this will happen consecutively. Zero. But away we go.
Day ONE: What are weird things you do when you're alone.
Of course day one and I'm already picking this question apart too tiny inoperable pieces. But the truth is that I am always alone. I am a very social person, I live in the center of a fairly large city, and obviously go to work, but I am a single woman who lives alone so 99% of what I do alone is self-sustaining tedious tasks. I sweep. I do the dishes, I work out, I get on Facebook so that I don't feel alone, I talk to my dog, I sing out loud, I write a million to do lists about my chores, and I do laundry all the fucking time. Seriously the amount of laundry that one woman can produce is remarkable.
But all of that is incredibly normal. Right? It's the shit that has to get done because I only have myself to blame if the garbage stinks up the place because it hasn't been taken out.
So now is where I confess one thing that I don't consider weird but imagine if you saw it you might think it is. I can sit perfectly still in a quiet room and stare at a wall. When my body stops moving my mind is given the chance to go out on it's own, I will stare for hours. I have before regretted how long my staring session went because I didn't simply didn't press play on the next episode of a Netflix bender and thus fell behind on my stories. Did you understand the volume of this issue: I IGNORED A PERFECTLY GOOD NETFLIX BENDER TO SIT ON THE COUCH IN SILENCE. The last one lasted nearly 2 hours.
So what do I do in that time? I look closely at my anxieties, recreate conversations that I wish would have gone better, I practice conversations that I am dreading, and sometimes I just make lists about my favorite songs based on the weather outside my window.
Unlike self-discipline, being still is a strength. It's when I do the best listening to my heart and try to encourage my feet to get moving. I honestly should do it more. And if that's weird or wrong, I don't want to be right. Part of me wishes I had to confess something like eating an entire jar of peanut butter with a knife or something...Alas, maybe the super weird will come out on Day 2.
Away we go,
Gage~
Friday, January 16, 2015
Wellness Gage - Away We Gooooooooooo
I'm not a competitive person. I'm a competitor. But if you need to win, go ahead. I don't want to ruin the day because you're going to be grumpy if you lose. I guess you could say I always root for the party but I have never had a fire. This has both helped and hindered me over the years in various aspects of my life, but for better or worse it's me.
So how do I create a focus to work towards success?
I'm not a skinny person. I have always wanted to be but really the "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" is the biggest load of crap I have every heard in my life. I can think of endless things that taste better than that. Ever had the duck fat tater tots at The Merchant in Nashville? Yeah. I have.To be clear, I am not not necessarily fat either. But I guess you could say I'd rather party and when you diet I feel like I'm missing out on the party. This has both helped and hindered me over the years in various aspects of my life, but for better or worst it's me.
So how do I find a balance between my desire to look skinny naked and the want to have wine and duck fat tater tots?
I am not a wife or a mom. I have always hoped to be but being a single professional woman is the reality of my identity right now. If don't take the trash out it doesn't get taken out. I work my ass off for self-preservation and this is sometimes manifested as selfishness. This has both hindered and helped me over the years in various aspects of my life, but for better or worse it's me.
So how can I connect to a community that holds me accountable for relationships while maintaing my self-value?
All of these questions are subjective and intended for me to reflect on my life's journey. And really a journey to what or where is also subjective. Where you're going and how you get there very often is driven by where you have been but we have to be willing to recognize the challenges and fight thru them to get to where we can be our best self and member of families and communities. There is no right answer. There's only you and your perspective of where you stand now compared to where you want to go.
So how would you answer those questions? And are these even the same questions you need to ask yourself? Perspective establishes the goals, motivation, and philosophy that gets you moving forward.
I am excited to announce that I am starting a new chapter in my personal journey and now a Beach Body Independent Coach! If you are looking for way to set goals, work for a balanced personal and nutritional wellness, and be a part of a wonderfully supportive and inspiring community, I invite you to join me on my journey.
Follow Wellness Gage on FB: https://www.facebook.com/wellnessgage
www.beachbodycoach.com/greatgageby
www.myshakeology.com/greatgageby
Be well,
Gage~
So how do I create a focus to work towards success?
I'm not a skinny person. I have always wanted to be but really the "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" is the biggest load of crap I have every heard in my life. I can think of endless things that taste better than that. Ever had the duck fat tater tots at The Merchant in Nashville? Yeah. I have.To be clear, I am not not necessarily fat either. But I guess you could say I'd rather party and when you diet I feel like I'm missing out on the party. This has both helped and hindered me over the years in various aspects of my life, but for better or worst it's me.
So how do I find a balance between my desire to look skinny naked and the want to have wine and duck fat tater tots?
I am not a wife or a mom. I have always hoped to be but being a single professional woman is the reality of my identity right now. If don't take the trash out it doesn't get taken out. I work my ass off for self-preservation and this is sometimes manifested as selfishness. This has both hindered and helped me over the years in various aspects of my life, but for better or worse it's me.
So how can I connect to a community that holds me accountable for relationships while maintaing my self-value?
All of these questions are subjective and intended for me to reflect on my life's journey. And really a journey to what or where is also subjective. Where you're going and how you get there very often is driven by where you have been but we have to be willing to recognize the challenges and fight thru them to get to where we can be our best self and member of families and communities. There is no right answer. There's only you and your perspective of where you stand now compared to where you want to go.
So how would you answer those questions? And are these even the same questions you need to ask yourself? Perspective establishes the goals, motivation, and philosophy that gets you moving forward.
I am excited to announce that I am starting a new chapter in my personal journey and now a Beach Body Independent Coach! If you are looking for way to set goals, work for a balanced personal and nutritional wellness, and be a part of a wonderfully supportive and inspiring community, I invite you to join me on my journey.
Follow Wellness Gage on FB: https://www.facebook.com/wellnessgage
www.beachbodycoach.com/greatgageby
www.myshakeology.com/greatgageby
Be well,
Gage~
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Auld Lang Syne is Really Sad.
My friend Laura emailed me a reflective quiz at the beginning of 2013. I remember filling it out quickly and easily and she often encouraged me to share it here, but I obviously didn't. I'm not sure why I had reservations but when she posted the quiz on her blog again I decided to waste no time and spend a quick minute reflecting on the year's past (Auld Lange Syne) and look forward to the potential of 2014.
1. What did you do in 2013 that you'd never done before?
Hm. Right out the gate and I'm not sure that my adventures were truly unique. I traveled a TON for pleasure this year but no new cities. I guess I saw over 20 bands many of them new to me. Some notable bands that I LOVE and finally got to see in person? Passion Pit. Alabama Shakes. The Killers were actually a great show too. New bands I found on the road? Toro y Moi. Fitz and the Tantrums. Bethesda. And some old favorties that I was lucky to see again? Justin Timberlake and JayZ, The Avett Brothers, and The Indigo Girls.
2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions and will you make any for next year?
2013. I don't remember really. I think I had some goals but really I have no idea what I said. I will say that I got out of Credit Card debt and that was definitely a big long term goal checked off the list.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Everyone. Is. Pregnant. All. The. Time. I remember this question from last year and didn't think it could get worse...er better. But this year I welcomed Amelia, Ian, Stella, Jones, Jude, Parker, Jack, Harper, Sophie, Olivia, Malory, and Luke. And due within the first four weeks of Jan I am expecting The Twins, Deuce, and Lil Buddy and many others already announced bundles for 2014. So yeah. I had a few.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
My Uncle Tom and dear friends Jamie Cusentino and Barb Camack.
5. What countries did you visit?
I didn't leave the States this year but I went to Jackson MS, Dallas TX, Chicago, St. Simon GA, Lake Norris TN, St Louis, Brown Co IN, Irvine KY, Nashville a couple times...Really a great year on the road.
6. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013? Committment. I failed to give or receive a relevent commitment this year. Always looking at the next step.
7. What date stands out in your mind.
July 22. Yes my birthday but it was an incredible day in Chicago when I saw Justin Timberlake, Jay Z, and we welcomed Prince George.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I was selected to the Multiple Sclerosis Leadership Class of 2013 and since have joined their Board. Love this new group and have loved advocating such an important issue!
9. What was your biggest failure?
I'm not sure it's a true failure, but I wasted a lot of time on things that I knew weren't good for me.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?I am still getting over this flu situation. Despite a flu shot. I had a fever for the first time since probably high school. And I fell out of a bus the other day and skinned my knee. Fact.
11. What was the best thing you bought?I bought a lot of plane and concert tickets this year!!! None better than the others but all wonderful and different experiences.
12. Where did most of your money go?Travel and concerts.
13. What did you get really excited about?JT/Jay Z; Avetts in Nashville, Indigo Girls, Dirty's wedding, UK/Baylor in Dallas...again, but year of exciting experiences.
13. What did you get really excited about?JT/Jay Z; Avetts in Nashville, Indigo Girls, Dirty's wedding, UK/Baylor in Dallas...again, but year of exciting experiences.
9. What was your biggest failure?
I'm not sure it's a true failure, but I wasted a lot of time on things that I knew weren't good for me.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?I am still getting over this flu situation. Despite a flu shot. I had a fever for the first time since probably high school. And I fell out of a bus the other day and skinned my knee. Fact.
11. What was the best thing you bought?I bought a lot of plane and concert tickets this year!!! None better than the others but all wonderful and different experiences.
12. Where did most of your money go?Travel and concerts.
13. What did you get really excited about?JT/Jay Z; Avetts in Nashville, Indigo Girls, Dirty's wedding, UK/Baylor in Dallas...again, but year of exciting experiences.
16. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Gone home before midnight. And I only went to a few baseball games.
17. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Chasing the future.
18. How did you spend Christmas?Sick in my mothers bed with a fever of 101.
19. What was your favorite TV program?
Newsroom. Girls. Breaking Bad.
20. What were your favorite books of the year?
I swear to you I'm still reading the same book I started over a year ago.
21. What was your favorite music from this year?
Vampire Weekend, Justin Timberlake, Avetts, Chvrches, and Lorde
22. What were your favorite films of the year?
Nothing really stands out. I watched way more TV shows than movies. And that answer is Breaking Bad.
23. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?
I was in Chicago with some of my favorite people. I woke up in the Trump Towers on Michigan Ave, had some lunch, did some shopping, tailgate (and shotgunned beer) for Justin Timberlake and Jay Z to sing me some birthday songs. I got to see Soldier Field for the first time without watching a single moment of football and I danced my sweaty ass off. I mean you only turn 32 once.
24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
My job was pretty unsatisfying this year. But I'm starting to learn that work is just unsatisfying.
25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013?
If target doesn't have it I don't need it, but just in case I'll look at Nordstrom.
26. What kept you sane?
Always my family.
27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013.
My gut is always right and no matter how hard my head tries to convince me otherwise....my gut is always right. And the longer it takes to tell my head to back off the harder and sadder the lesson. But on the other side, the sooner I speak up on behalf of my gut my sky rockets! My gut is always right.
So that's it. Hope you all had a safe and wonderful holiday season and I look foward to seeing what 2014 will bring our way!
Boogy On.
g~
1. What did you do in 2013 that you'd never done before?
Hm. Right out the gate and I'm not sure that my adventures were truly unique. I traveled a TON for pleasure this year but no new cities. I guess I saw over 20 bands many of them new to me. Some notable bands that I LOVE and finally got to see in person? Passion Pit. Alabama Shakes. The Killers were actually a great show too. New bands I found on the road? Toro y Moi. Fitz and the Tantrums. Bethesda. And some old favorties that I was lucky to see again? Justin Timberlake and JayZ, The Avett Brothers, and The Indigo Girls.
2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions and will you make any for next year?
2013. I don't remember really. I think I had some goals but really I have no idea what I said. I will say that I got out of Credit Card debt and that was definitely a big long term goal checked off the list.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Everyone. Is. Pregnant. All. The. Time. I remember this question from last year and didn't think it could get worse...er better. But this year I welcomed Amelia, Ian, Stella, Jones, Jude, Parker, Jack, Harper, Sophie, Olivia, Malory, and Luke. And due within the first four weeks of Jan I am expecting The Twins, Deuce, and Lil Buddy and many others already announced bundles for 2014. So yeah. I had a few.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
My Uncle Tom and dear friends Jamie Cusentino and Barb Camack.
5. What countries did you visit?
I didn't leave the States this year but I went to Jackson MS, Dallas TX, Chicago, St. Simon GA, Lake Norris TN, St Louis, Brown Co IN, Irvine KY, Nashville a couple times...Really a great year on the road.
6. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013? Committment. I failed to give or receive a relevent commitment this year. Always looking at the next step.
7. What date stands out in your mind.
July 22. Yes my birthday but it was an incredible day in Chicago when I saw Justin Timberlake, Jay Z, and we welcomed Prince George.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I was selected to the Multiple Sclerosis Leadership Class of 2013 and since have joined their Board. Love this new group and have loved advocating such an important issue!
9. What was your biggest failure?
I'm not sure it's a true failure, but I wasted a lot of time on things that I knew weren't good for me.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?I am still getting over this flu situation. Despite a flu shot. I had a fever for the first time since probably high school. And I fell out of a bus the other day and skinned my knee. Fact.
11. What was the best thing you bought?I bought a lot of plane and concert tickets this year!!! None better than the others but all wonderful and different experiences.
12. Where did most of your money go?Travel and concerts.
13. What did you get really excited about?JT/Jay Z; Avetts in Nashville, Indigo Girls, Dirty's wedding, UK/Baylor in Dallas...again, but year of exciting experiences.
13. What did you get really excited about?JT/Jay Z; Avetts in Nashville, Indigo Girls, Dirty's wedding, UK/Baylor in Dallas...again, but year of exciting experiences.
9. What was your biggest failure?
I'm not sure it's a true failure, but I wasted a lot of time on things that I knew weren't good for me.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?I am still getting over this flu situation. Despite a flu shot. I had a fever for the first time since probably high school. And I fell out of a bus the other day and skinned my knee. Fact.
11. What was the best thing you bought?I bought a lot of plane and concert tickets this year!!! None better than the others but all wonderful and different experiences.
12. Where did most of your money go?Travel and concerts.
13. What did you get really excited about?JT/Jay Z; Avetts in Nashville, Indigo Girls, Dirty's wedding, UK/Baylor in Dallas...again, but year of exciting experiences.
16. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Gone home before midnight. And I only went to a few baseball games.
17. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Chasing the future.
18. How did you spend Christmas?Sick in my mothers bed with a fever of 101.
19. What was your favorite TV program?
Newsroom. Girls. Breaking Bad.
20. What were your favorite books of the year?
I swear to you I'm still reading the same book I started over a year ago.
21. What was your favorite music from this year?
Vampire Weekend, Justin Timberlake, Avetts, Chvrches, and Lorde
22. What were your favorite films of the year?
Nothing really stands out. I watched way more TV shows than movies. And that answer is Breaking Bad.
23. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?
I was in Chicago with some of my favorite people. I woke up in the Trump Towers on Michigan Ave, had some lunch, did some shopping, tailgate (and shotgunned beer) for Justin Timberlake and Jay Z to sing me some birthday songs. I got to see Soldier Field for the first time without watching a single moment of football and I danced my sweaty ass off. I mean you only turn 32 once.
24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
My job was pretty unsatisfying this year. But I'm starting to learn that work is just unsatisfying.
25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013?
If target doesn't have it I don't need it, but just in case I'll look at Nordstrom.
26. What kept you sane?
Always my family.
27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013.
My gut is always right and no matter how hard my head tries to convince me otherwise....my gut is always right. And the longer it takes to tell my head to back off the harder and sadder the lesson. But on the other side, the sooner I speak up on behalf of my gut my sky rockets! My gut is always right.
So that's it. Hope you all had a safe and wonderful holiday season and I look foward to seeing what 2014 will bring our way!
Boogy On.
g~
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Uncommon Success.
Dear Gage,
This upcoming Alumni Reunion Weekend, we will be interviewing notable DePauw alumni for a new Alumni in Action video series. The web video series, which will be produced by a small group of DePauw student interns, aims to communicate the value of utilizing the opportunities offered at DePauw pertaining to career services, off-campus study, Winter Term and service-learning programs. Our goal is to encourage current students to take full advantage of the connections and resources readily available to them on campus, particularly those related to career advising and preparation for life after DePauw.
To preface the interview, we will be asking you to tell us about a specific experience, internship or off-campus study that stood out during your DePauw experience or has impacted where you are today. Additionally, any advice you have for current students on how they can prepare for life after DePauw is helpful as well.
Love,
some 20 year old girl who likely thinks she's got it all worked out.
East College on a Sunny Day.
Her name was actually Lizzie and she was really lovely. And the fact that she was in Greencastle during the summer for an internship shows that she likely does have some things worked out. But I remember Gage the summer before her senior year, too. Anyway.
For those of you who are friendly with Gage on the ol FaceSpace, you probably know that this past weekend was my 10 year college reunion. DePauw University is unique in how they handle their reunions, inviting graduating classes back every 5 years for a weekend on campus for a series of events and general good community gathering. (Note: all other classes with the same integers: '03, '08, '93, '78, etc. are also on campus so there's some really awesome opportunity to learn about the history of the school and those activities you participated in). It's really smart to pull us back on campus to share company with those people we made memories with in the same place where we made those memories. Plus, any of us who worked in development or higher ed can tell you, when you get people back on campus for anything, the liklihood to donate is far greater. My class raised $25,000 for DePauw this campaign. That's actually not a year's tuition anymore. Anyway. It's an AMAZING experience. Not only do I feel lucky enough have gone to college there at all, but the fact that I get to go back every 5 years, live in the dorms, party on porches and try to recreate four years in two days is beyond a blessing.
Really, Gage? Blessing? Really. I do not exaggerate for effect.
So when Lizzie emailed me, obviously I started thinking about what DePauw had "done to prepare me" for where I am today. At best that's a ridiculous question. Not that there weren't amazing opportunities for scholastic and personal development, but any alum will tell you that it's impossible to quantify. Still. I decided that I will focus on my time in Philly, where I learned that I am a city girl and, perhaps most importantly, that I did not want to work in tv production. That's a good idea. I'll focus on the fact that these kids should try everything they are moderately interested in. Getting the answer "no" is often more important when self-exploring.
I'm a genius. These kids will obviously hang on these super insightful words of this notable alum.
The day that Lizzie emailed me I got another email. This one from a pledge sister and dear friend I met in college. She was in labor with her first child! I was going to be an Aunt again soon. Something that I especially cherish when it's not biological. My college girls are my heart and so their joy is mine. We removed her from the email chain and the rest of us spent the day in a vitrual room waiting for our new baby. At first the excitement was tangible as we waited for LA to reach out to AP's husband to get updates and pass on our love and encouragement. (We have this shit down to a science, btw). Conversations got silly and sometimes a little judgy but it was almost like we were actually in a room together. But then after a while we hadn't really heard anything from AP. It was nearly mid afternoon. We were't worried but felt like we should be close and hadn't heard any news.
Update. The baby was face up (bad) and rolling over on his own (bad) so they were trying some things to get the baby ready to come meet his new aunts. Conversation got silly again. We started shouting out songs that had "roll" or "turn" as a hopeless attempt to feel helpful in this situation. Three hours later we still had no word of a baby and our updates were getting less and less.
We were all officially worried. Not that AP wasn't in capable hands of great doctors and the like, but at this point we just knew our friend was exhausted, maybe scared, and that she more than any of us wanted that baby to be safe in her arms. And just how her joy is mine, so is every fear and anxiety. Every two or three minutes we took turns asking, "anything yet?"
Nothing.
Two more hours of pacing, refreshing emails unnecessarily, and even sending emails to make sure that we could receive emails. A long long evening. And then we received the joyful news that our new "little" (9lb) man had arrived and that everyone was doing fine. I was at a concert when I got the email. Cried in public. And this particular band has three synthesizers, so not like some emo shit where it was easy to hide the fact that I was uncontrollably crying with joy. I didn't care to hide it - I was truly thrilled.
So that and similar stories of sharing life events, transitions, fears, and sadness is where I am in my life. And really where I've been since I left DePauw. Yes I have a job. A great job, really. But I'm a pretty capable person and I would have gotten there without DePauw. But here's the thing. I can't imagine getting through any of my goods or bads without these ladies. Hell, just a random Tuesday is better when I have them at my side. And since graduation we have never had all of us in the same room at the same time, but that never changes our level of commitment and love for one another or desire to keep trying to get us in the same room.
And really this weekend showed me the same thing about my graduating class as a whole. It became evident how much time we spent together back then. I had lunch at my sorority where I met most of my best friends. Toured the house, saw all my old rooms, and was flooded with great memories of those ladies. But it was at Beta, a house that I admittedly spent more time in than Theta, in the 5-man (room 10) that I started crying for truly missing college. But also tears filled with joy and thanksgiving for the memories that place provided me. A place that literally still smells of piss and clorox, with rotting couches, chipping paint, a room where I puked on a couch that I am certain I probably had at some point also made out on. I cried and laughed and walked down stairs to tell those same people that actually lived in that room that it was there and for our memories I cried. And they hugged me and asked if I really didn't remember puking on their couch.
For the record, I don't.
See, it's impossible to spend as much time together as we did for four consecutive years and not grow to love and want to support the people around us. And to see the dynamic, kind, funny, and no surprise successful men and women we've grown into makes me so proud and humbled by the company I keep it's overwhelming. But that all started years ago on campus when the successes were much smaller. People get As, earned interships, got those first coveted kisses, and for some we were proud when they simply passed classes or drug tests. Their joy is my joy. And without question we are best side by side. But we don't need to be physical neighbors to collaborate. (And our livers would likely agree that it's for the best we live far away).
Obviously with a reunion it's impossible not to look back, and I've been reflecting a lot, looking back to see how far I've come, wondering what's next, and really thinking about what I WANT next. I can feel myself facing a transition. I can't tell if it's a physical move or a professional move but I recognize that in myself lately. In no less than six conversations I had people offer networks, conversations, to pass resumes, and even a couch to live on. They still hope with me and are willing to work for me to ensure my happiness and success. And since no one lives in Greencastle after graduation, I literally have a community across the world.
And that is DePauw. My DePauw experience continues every day and college is not just the greatest four years of my life, but four AMAZING years leading to the greatest life that I can dream.
Two more hours of pacing, refreshing emails unnecessarily, and even sending emails to make sure that we could receive emails. A long long evening. And then we received the joyful news that our new "little" (9lb) man had arrived and that everyone was doing fine. I was at a concert when I got the email. Cried in public. And this particular band has three synthesizers, so not like some emo shit where it was easy to hide the fact that I was uncontrollably crying with joy. I didn't care to hide it - I was truly thrilled.
So that and similar stories of sharing life events, transitions, fears, and sadness is where I am in my life. And really where I've been since I left DePauw. Yes I have a job. A great job, really. But I'm a pretty capable person and I would have gotten there without DePauw. But here's the thing. I can't imagine getting through any of my goods or bads without these ladies. Hell, just a random Tuesday is better when I have them at my side. And since graduation we have never had all of us in the same room at the same time, but that never changes our level of commitment and love for one another or desire to keep trying to get us in the same room.
Mi'ladies. Well some of them. Some just had a baby.
And really this weekend showed me the same thing about my graduating class as a whole. It became evident how much time we spent together back then. I had lunch at my sorority where I met most of my best friends. Toured the house, saw all my old rooms, and was flooded with great memories of those ladies. But it was at Beta, a house that I admittedly spent more time in than Theta, in the 5-man (room 10) that I started crying for truly missing college. But also tears filled with joy and thanksgiving for the memories that place provided me. A place that literally still smells of piss and clorox, with rotting couches, chipping paint, a room where I puked on a couch that I am certain I probably had at some point also made out on. I cried and laughed and walked down stairs to tell those same people that actually lived in that room that it was there and for our memories I cried. And they hugged me and asked if I really didn't remember puking on their couch.
For the record, I don't.
See, it's impossible to spend as much time together as we did for four consecutive years and not grow to love and want to support the people around us. And to see the dynamic, kind, funny, and no surprise successful men and women we've grown into makes me so proud and humbled by the company I keep it's overwhelming. But that all started years ago on campus when the successes were much smaller. People get As, earned interships, got those first coveted kisses, and for some we were proud when they simply passed classes or drug tests. Their joy is my joy. And without question we are best side by side. But we don't need to be physical neighbors to collaborate. (And our livers would likely agree that it's for the best we live far away).
Obviously with a reunion it's impossible not to look back, and I've been reflecting a lot, looking back to see how far I've come, wondering what's next, and really thinking about what I WANT next. I can feel myself facing a transition. I can't tell if it's a physical move or a professional move but I recognize that in myself lately. In no less than six conversations I had people offer networks, conversations, to pass resumes, and even a couch to live on. They still hope with me and are willing to work for me to ensure my happiness and success. And since no one lives in Greencastle after graduation, I literally have a community across the world.
And that is DePauw. My DePauw experience continues every day and college is not just the greatest four years of my life, but four AMAZING years leading to the greatest life that I can dream.
You should stick with these two. They're going places.
Friday, May 31, 2013
Seven...Seven...Seven...
10. Fiddy
9. God in signs and shit
8. Broooootherrrrrrrr
7. Lord of the Rings: Return of the King has our inner geekiness reeling. And have you ever seen a hotter group of fellas fighting the good fight? Nope.
9. God in signs and shit
8. Broooootherrrrrrrr
7. Lord of the Rings: Return of the King has our inner geekiness reeling. And have you ever seen a hotter group of fellas fighting the good fight? Nope.
Day 8...
10. Fiddy does Fiddy.
9. DaVinci in on everyone' lap
8. Arrested Development is released for the first time.
9. DaVinci in on everyone' lap
8. Arrested Development is released for the first time.
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
10 years ago...Day 9
10. 50 Cent was rockin the clubs
9. The DaVinci Code was #3 on the NYTimes Best Seller List
9. The DaVinci Code was #3 on the NYTimes Best Seller List
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Monday, May 13, 2013
Hazel.
Anna and I met when we were really young. About 7 in our first year at camp. I remember her vaguely from that time, but really it's because she remembered me first and we found pictures. We were about 12 when we met again. "Did you go to Girls Camp as a kid?" Her accent was unlike any I'd heard. Not quite The South but more southern than kids where I was from, and yet certainly not the most twang I knew of.
"Yeah"
"Did you stay in Trinity your first year?"
"Yeah"
"Thought so." More than her accent I remember her being forward and slightly abrupt. Yet friendly. And I wanted to be her friend.
"Well did you go to Girls Camp and did you stay in Trinity?" I asked knowing the answer but wanting to know more about this super fascinating girl. And that, as they say, is history. We spent the entire week together. Living in the same cabin, choosing the same activities, and acting as each other's wing men at the ever important dances. The week drew to a close and my heart ached to say goodbye to another wonderful year at camp. (Isn't the weight that High Schoolers put on things daunting...goodness. Glad that's over. I digress...). Anna, who lived about an hour away, and I exchanged phone numbers and addresses promising to keep in touch. I think I wrote her my first letter from the car. And we talked on the phone the next day.
Not too long after camp she invited me down for a weekend visit. My mother agreed so long as she could speak to Anna's parents. I'm sure I rolled my eyes that she was so ridiculously protective, but of course the mothers called and spent some time talking to each other discussing the logistics of getting me to their house. Mom replaced the received (you used to have to stand by the phone to talk into it) and said very calmly but very candidly.
"Does Anna's mother have MS?"
With this I am certain my eyes rolled out of my head. "Ugh Mother, you are so rude. She doesn't have MS". I was afraid this was leading to her telling me that I wasn't going to be allowed to go visit Anna. I knew Multiple Sclerosis. My parents had a few close friends living with the disease. Although to me it mostly meant wheel chairs.
"Hillie. You should ask Anna. I'm sure it will be fine, but I don't want you to be surprised. I can hear it in her voice. She sounds a lot like Nancy. Very sharp and clear thoughts but also a little slower. And you should be prepared for this." Mom told me more about the disease, how it progresses and some experiences she had with supporting the disease as a friend.
Be clear, that conversation was not an after school special. It took probably 47 seconds before I grabbed the permission I needed, and ran upstairs to call Anna and squeal in delight that I would see her in a couple days.
"There's something you should know before you come down...My mom has MS and is in a wheel chair".
I hate when my mother is right. And in this specific example, I'm still kinda pissed she was. She explained a little bit about what that meant for her reality but assured me that her mother was still a mom.
And that's really that. Anna and I spent the next six years before college hip to hip. And so a large part of my adolescence was spent around a woman whose symptoms had progressed so greatly that, as a teen, my Anna was a primary caregiver to her mother. And can I tell you Anna was always so wonderful with her mother's care?!!!?!?! I mean, yes at times I am sure she was a grumpy teenager who didn't want to tend to her mother's request, but find one 15 year old girl who gladly does everything their parents tell her to.http://main.nationalmssociety.org/site/TR/LeadershipClass/OHGGeneralEvents?px=11877216&pg=personal&fr_id=21356 But she served and supported her mother with such strength and grace it was impossible not to notice and be impacted by her love and generosity. And interestingly, it was due the ease by which Anna loved and cared that it all seemed so normal for me. Like I knew 30 other teenagers who lived the same life.
And can I tell you what else was pretty normal? The way that Hazel would yell at us when we misbehaved. I mean sure her speech was a little slower but she should could remind us quickly who the mother was. Quickly.
So why the story, Gage?
Well. I recently was selected to serve as a member of the area's MS Society Leadership Class and as a result I have been reflecting a lot about how Multiple Scelrosis impacted me. And it's impossible not to think about that time in my life I spent with my dear friend and her mother.
I have the opportunity to help spread the word about this disease and raise some money to help families living with an MS diagnosis. So before I ask you generous generous friends to open your hearts and wallets to help this cause, I offer some interesting points.
The Skinny:
MS is a chronic, often disabling disease that attacks the central nervous system. Symptoms can be mild, such as numbness in the limbs, or servere such as paralysis or loss of vision. The progress, severity, and specific symptoms of MS are unpredictable and vary from person to person.
The Hope:
MS has long been a diagnosis of elimination. However through progress in research that is not longer the case and they are making great advancements in medicine providing variety in treatment plans.
The Goal:
A cure! And in the mean time help support research, wellness, and community for those living with the disease.
Please visit MY PAGE and help us reach our goal! Or you can contact me directly, if you prefer.
And check out the website for more research and opportunities to help (There's a mudder in July I'll be harassing you about, btw).
Or just let me know if you are interested in learning more or helping the cause!
Until then, with MUCH love...and hope
xoxo,
gage~
"Yeah"
"Did you stay in Trinity your first year?"
"Yeah"
"Thought so." More than her accent I remember her being forward and slightly abrupt. Yet friendly. And I wanted to be her friend.
"Well did you go to Girls Camp and did you stay in Trinity?" I asked knowing the answer but wanting to know more about this super fascinating girl. And that, as they say, is history. We spent the entire week together. Living in the same cabin, choosing the same activities, and acting as each other's wing men at the ever important dances. The week drew to a close and my heart ached to say goodbye to another wonderful year at camp. (Isn't the weight that High Schoolers put on things daunting...goodness. Glad that's over. I digress...). Anna, who lived about an hour away, and I exchanged phone numbers and addresses promising to keep in touch. I think I wrote her my first letter from the car. And we talked on the phone the next day.
Not too long after camp she invited me down for a weekend visit. My mother agreed so long as she could speak to Anna's parents. I'm sure I rolled my eyes that she was so ridiculously protective, but of course the mothers called and spent some time talking to each other discussing the logistics of getting me to their house. Mom replaced the received (you used to have to stand by the phone to talk into it) and said very calmly but very candidly.
"Does Anna's mother have MS?"
With this I am certain my eyes rolled out of my head. "Ugh Mother, you are so rude. She doesn't have MS". I was afraid this was leading to her telling me that I wasn't going to be allowed to go visit Anna. I knew Multiple Sclerosis. My parents had a few close friends living with the disease. Although to me it mostly meant wheel chairs.
"Hillie. You should ask Anna. I'm sure it will be fine, but I don't want you to be surprised. I can hear it in her voice. She sounds a lot like Nancy. Very sharp and clear thoughts but also a little slower. And you should be prepared for this." Mom told me more about the disease, how it progresses and some experiences she had with supporting the disease as a friend.
Be clear, that conversation was not an after school special. It took probably 47 seconds before I grabbed the permission I needed, and ran upstairs to call Anna and squeal in delight that I would see her in a couple days.
"There's something you should know before you come down...My mom has MS and is in a wheel chair".
I hate when my mother is right. And in this specific example, I'm still kinda pissed she was. She explained a little bit about what that meant for her reality but assured me that her mother was still a mom.
And that's really that. Anna and I spent the next six years before college hip to hip. And so a large part of my adolescence was spent around a woman whose symptoms had progressed so greatly that, as a teen, my Anna was a primary caregiver to her mother. And can I tell you Anna was always so wonderful with her mother's care?!!!?!?! I mean, yes at times I am sure she was a grumpy teenager who didn't want to tend to her mother's request, but find one 15 year old girl who gladly does everything their parents tell her to.http://main.nationalmssociety.org/site/TR/LeadershipClass/OHGGeneralEvents?px=11877216&pg=personal&fr_id=21356 But she served and supported her mother with such strength and grace it was impossible not to notice and be impacted by her love and generosity. And interestingly, it was due the ease by which Anna loved and cared that it all seemed so normal for me. Like I knew 30 other teenagers who lived the same life.
And can I tell you what else was pretty normal? The way that Hazel would yell at us when we misbehaved. I mean sure her speech was a little slower but she should could remind us quickly who the mother was. Quickly.
So why the story, Gage?
Well. I recently was selected to serve as a member of the area's MS Society Leadership Class and as a result I have been reflecting a lot about how Multiple Scelrosis impacted me. And it's impossible not to think about that time in my life I spent with my dear friend and her mother.
I have the opportunity to help spread the word about this disease and raise some money to help families living with an MS diagnosis. So before I ask you generous generous friends to open your hearts and wallets to help this cause, I offer some interesting points.
The Skinny:
MS is a chronic, often disabling disease that attacks the central nervous system. Symptoms can be mild, such as numbness in the limbs, or servere such as paralysis or loss of vision. The progress, severity, and specific symptoms of MS are unpredictable and vary from person to person.
The Hope:
MS has long been a diagnosis of elimination. However through progress in research that is not longer the case and they are making great advancements in medicine providing variety in treatment plans.
The Goal:
A cure! And in the mean time help support research, wellness, and community for those living with the disease.
Please visit MY PAGE and help us reach our goal! Or you can contact me directly, if you prefer.
And check out the website for more research and opportunities to help (There's a mudder in July I'll be harassing you about, btw).
Or just let me know if you are interested in learning more or helping the cause!
Until then, with MUCH love...and hope
xoxo,
gage~
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Identity Theft
Not necessarily in this order: White. 30 yr old. Female. Kentuckian. Christian. Episcopal. Republican.
These words are those I use to shape my identity. It's natural to need and want labels. Those are mine. Among others, but the big picture of me starts with those few words. And what's so wonderful about identity is that those identifiers mean something unique to me. If there was another woman out there that uses those exact same words, even she would have different understanding and perspective of her identity. What's funny is with the obvious exception of the white part and the 30 year old part (although age plays an important role), in my perspective I consider myself a minority.
There are no truths there are only perceptions.
I went to elementary school in Ohio. I had to learn their state song and motto. At an assembly when we sang 50 Nifty United States, the last line we were told to shout with pride, "Ohio is the best state of them all!" I asked if I could say Kentucky. My teacher said I could quietly add it after I shouted Ohio. One of my dear friends from this school still talks about Kentucky like it's the Old West. Foreign, unfamiliar, and unexplored. I live .72 miles from the state line. And as an adult I choose to live here, especially now that we have indoor plumbing.
Living in Cincinnati it's not rare to find Christians. And by Christians I mean Catholics, specifically. Identifying with the bastard faith of its Roman predecessor has prevented me from taking communion at friend's weddings. That's not true, because I always go to the altar and share in the sacrament that I was invited to. I've been to weddings where a priest has WORD FOR WORD SAID, "So if you aren't Catholic just stay in your pew, it's fine! Know that we still pray for you, but the altar is saved for those actively practicing Catholic Faith". I think that exactly what Jesus said. You know, since he was Jewish. I choose to believe in one God and I choose to believe in a God who doesn't care where you are when you pray. I choose to believe that He forgives ALL sinners if not the sin. Which is why I am able to forgive that elitist priest for trying to tell me that God does not offer his grace to me directly but that my Catholic friends will pray for me.
And when I find myself outside a community of faith, I most often find myself in a community of young people. Not super weird as I'm one, too. But in 2012 many people my age identify themselves as Agnostic or Atheist. I find this to be especially true in an urban setting. Even more true within an artists community. You should see some of the looks I get when I explain that I not only believe in God but that I teach Sunday School. Why is it that you can't like beer or sex to be a good Christian? I mean, you know that Tammy Faye Baker loved sinning. But more frustratingly, why do I have to defend myself because your perception of Christianity is shaped by media, tea parties, movies, and teen age rebellion? Yes I believe in evolution. Yes I believe in Gay marriage. Yes I believe in pre-marital sex (just kidding Dad). I don't really know what I think about heaven and no I don't believe that Jesus Christ is our Lord and Savior. But I do think he was a good man and I choose to use his story as a model for how I hope to live with an open heart and mind. I try to feed the hungry and help the needy and sick. I know that the word Christian isn't very sexy these days, and I don't care what faith, if any, you choose to identify with. Just be fucking nice.
And as few Christians there are in my communities, there are still fewer Republicans. Yes I live in a Red state. And yes it will be the first state to be called Red in the election. But sort of like how the coasts are predominantly blue, so are urban cores. And my generation is very blue. During the 2008 election friends were talking about me like I had leprosy. Seriously I went out to celebrate President Obama's election (no I didn't vote for him, but it was history and I love good party. And like it or not, he was going to be my President and I wanted to welcome him properly) and a friend, not a close friend but more than an acquaintance, came running into the Pub cheering, high fiving, and hugging people. She stopped at me and said, "I heard you're a Republican". Seriously?!?!?! From whom? And how does that even come into conversation unless you were talking poorly of me? Yes I believe in a choice for marriage and adoption rights for same sex couples. Yes I believe in a woman's choice no matter what circumstance led her to this point. But I do not believe that these are political issues. I believe these are human issues.
Unfortunately it's not like that and government has put their nose where they don't belong. So please don't confuse my desire for small government, educational benchmarks, local funding for community progress, privatized health care, strong and continued military defense, as a lack of compassion. Because I don't believe that a MAN from California should not get to vote to tell me what my choices are. And I don't believe that anyone knows how I or my children learn and the presumption that two people learn in the exact same way is absurd. And I most definitely do not believe that I should be paying twice the deductible as my male counterpart in the off chance that I get pregnant. So by confusing my values, beliefs, and character with my preferred governmental strategy to running this country is, at best, unfair.
I'm tired of living in a world where the terms 'liberal' and 'conservative' have become no different than other words that negatively generalize an entire group of people. Liberal does not mean young and hip nor does conservative does mean red neck. And to my Republican friends, liberal does not mean uninformed nor un-American. Stop generalizing. Be fucking nice.
This country was greatly and eloquently founded on the principles of "Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness". Of course at the time that was written mostly with the happiness of white men in mind, but to me, I see that as a choice for life, a choice for liberty, and a choice for a path to happiness. An unalienable freedom of choice. My choice and your choice. And if we keep that phrase as simple as was intended to be, it can easily adapt to the needs of the American people today and 200 years from now.
But our system is broken and politicians are insisting they know what my idea of happiness is. Over-complicating a very simple premise. So while everyone insists that Obama's better or Romney's better or Willard Fucking Fillmore should come back, I promise to not get in the way of others pursuit and I promise to keep learning and questioning and challenging injustices. There is no one candidate with whom I perfectly identify with as a 31 year old, white, Episcopal, Republican, woman from Covington, KY. How could there be? So in the mean time I vote as honestly as I can for my opportunity to pursue a life where I can thrive. And in the mean time I write letters to my congress about injustices I find, I pray for peace (yes pray), and I offer kindness and compassion and care to all those I am able.
I hope you choose the same.
May was all get back to a hopeful land mindful of the fact that, as the lovely Avett Brothers say, "nothing is owed, deserved, or expected and your life doesn't change by the man that's elected, when you're loved by someone you're never rejected. Decide what to be and go be it" Pursue a life that makes you happy by the choices you make daily. And don't tell me what makes me happy. You'll never truly know.
I'm still trying to work that out for myself.
Until then, I am AMAZED by the security and safety I am offered daily to make mistakes in life in this great land. And I'm especially thankful for dialogue with those who allow for it. No matter which side of an argument you stand on thanks for sharing your perspective and listening to mine.
Speaking of which...read this:
http://thishoodlife.com/2012/09/25/the-value-of-seeing-in-p-c-matt-werbach/
And take a look at my mother's brief perspective:
These words are those I use to shape my identity. It's natural to need and want labels. Those are mine. Among others, but the big picture of me starts with those few words. And what's so wonderful about identity is that those identifiers mean something unique to me. If there was another woman out there that uses those exact same words, even she would have different understanding and perspective of her identity. What's funny is with the obvious exception of the white part and the 30 year old part (although age plays an important role), in my perspective I consider myself a minority.
There are no truths there are only perceptions.
I went to elementary school in Ohio. I had to learn their state song and motto. At an assembly when we sang 50 Nifty United States, the last line we were told to shout with pride, "Ohio is the best state of them all!" I asked if I could say Kentucky. My teacher said I could quietly add it after I shouted Ohio. One of my dear friends from this school still talks about Kentucky like it's the Old West. Foreign, unfamiliar, and unexplored. I live .72 miles from the state line. And as an adult I choose to live here, especially now that we have indoor plumbing.
Living in Cincinnati it's not rare to find Christians. And by Christians I mean Catholics, specifically. Identifying with the bastard faith of its Roman predecessor has prevented me from taking communion at friend's weddings. That's not true, because I always go to the altar and share in the sacrament that I was invited to. I've been to weddings where a priest has WORD FOR WORD SAID, "So if you aren't Catholic just stay in your pew, it's fine! Know that we still pray for you, but the altar is saved for those actively practicing Catholic Faith". I think that exactly what Jesus said. You know, since he was Jewish. I choose to believe in one God and I choose to believe in a God who doesn't care where you are when you pray. I choose to believe that He forgives ALL sinners if not the sin. Which is why I am able to forgive that elitist priest for trying to tell me that God does not offer his grace to me directly but that my Catholic friends will pray for me.
And when I find myself outside a community of faith, I most often find myself in a community of young people. Not super weird as I'm one, too. But in 2012 many people my age identify themselves as Agnostic or Atheist. I find this to be especially true in an urban setting. Even more true within an artists community. You should see some of the looks I get when I explain that I not only believe in God but that I teach Sunday School. Why is it that you can't like beer or sex to be a good Christian? I mean, you know that Tammy Faye Baker loved sinning. But more frustratingly, why do I have to defend myself because your perception of Christianity is shaped by media, tea parties, movies, and teen age rebellion? Yes I believe in evolution. Yes I believe in Gay marriage. Yes I believe in pre-marital sex (just kidding Dad). I don't really know what I think about heaven and no I don't believe that Jesus Christ is our Lord and Savior. But I do think he was a good man and I choose to use his story as a model for how I hope to live with an open heart and mind. I try to feed the hungry and help the needy and sick. I know that the word Christian isn't very sexy these days, and I don't care what faith, if any, you choose to identify with. Just be fucking nice.
And as few Christians there are in my communities, there are still fewer Republicans. Yes I live in a Red state. And yes it will be the first state to be called Red in the election. But sort of like how the coasts are predominantly blue, so are urban cores. And my generation is very blue. During the 2008 election friends were talking about me like I had leprosy. Seriously I went out to celebrate President Obama's election (no I didn't vote for him, but it was history and I love good party. And like it or not, he was going to be my President and I wanted to welcome him properly) and a friend, not a close friend but more than an acquaintance, came running into the Pub cheering, high fiving, and hugging people. She stopped at me and said, "I heard you're a Republican". Seriously?!?!?! From whom? And how does that even come into conversation unless you were talking poorly of me? Yes I believe in a choice for marriage and adoption rights for same sex couples. Yes I believe in a woman's choice no matter what circumstance led her to this point. But I do not believe that these are political issues. I believe these are human issues.
Unfortunately it's not like that and government has put their nose where they don't belong. So please don't confuse my desire for small government, educational benchmarks, local funding for community progress, privatized health care, strong and continued military defense, as a lack of compassion. Because I don't believe that a MAN from California should not get to vote to tell me what my choices are. And I don't believe that anyone knows how I or my children learn and the presumption that two people learn in the exact same way is absurd. And I most definitely do not believe that I should be paying twice the deductible as my male counterpart in the off chance that I get pregnant. So by confusing my values, beliefs, and character with my preferred governmental strategy to running this country is, at best, unfair.
I'm tired of living in a world where the terms 'liberal' and 'conservative' have become no different than other words that negatively generalize an entire group of people. Liberal does not mean young and hip nor does conservative does mean red neck. And to my Republican friends, liberal does not mean uninformed nor un-American. Stop generalizing. Be fucking nice.
This country was greatly and eloquently founded on the principles of "Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness". Of course at the time that was written mostly with the happiness of white men in mind, but to me, I see that as a choice for life, a choice for liberty, and a choice for a path to happiness. An unalienable freedom of choice. My choice and your choice. And if we keep that phrase as simple as was intended to be, it can easily adapt to the needs of the American people today and 200 years from now.
But our system is broken and politicians are insisting they know what my idea of happiness is. Over-complicating a very simple premise. So while everyone insists that Obama's better or Romney's better or Willard Fucking Fillmore should come back, I promise to not get in the way of others pursuit and I promise to keep learning and questioning and challenging injustices. There is no one candidate with whom I perfectly identify with as a 31 year old, white, Episcopal, Republican, woman from Covington, KY. How could there be? So in the mean time I vote as honestly as I can for my opportunity to pursue a life where I can thrive. And in the mean time I write letters to my congress about injustices I find, I pray for peace (yes pray), and I offer kindness and compassion and care to all those I am able.
I hope you choose the same.
May was all get back to a hopeful land mindful of the fact that, as the lovely Avett Brothers say, "nothing is owed, deserved, or expected and your life doesn't change by the man that's elected, when you're loved by someone you're never rejected. Decide what to be and go be it" Pursue a life that makes you happy by the choices you make daily. And don't tell me what makes me happy. You'll never truly know.
I'm still trying to work that out for myself.
Until then, I am AMAZED by the security and safety I am offered daily to make mistakes in life in this great land. And I'm especially thankful for dialogue with those who allow for it. No matter which side of an argument you stand on thanks for sharing your perspective and listening to mine.
Speaking of which...read this:
http://thishoodlife.com/2012/09/25/the-value-of-seeing-in-p-c-matt-werbach/
And take a look at my mother's brief perspective:
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Rounding third...
At the start of this year my employer said this would be a relatively slow year. Then they added another implementation. So he didn't lie he just changed his mind. I took a few days off in August but the short weeks proved more stressful than the long weekends were relaxing. In one month we implement. I'm not really stressed so much as it seems there's no end in site. My alarm went off and the first thing I said today was "I don't want to go in today. I'm coming straight home and I'm not running today".
When I started this job my running took a turn. I still ran, but it was really a half assed effort and something that got me away from the group when traveling. It was a break from my reality. This job is stressful in that it never ends. So for a year I have watched my blood pressure creep up along with my weight. nothing crazy or alarming. Creeping.
5 weeks ago I promised myself that I would wake up BEFORE work and work out two times a week. I have also started running for speed not distance.
Today at the doctor my blood pressure was found to be back to normal with the project only three weeks away!
Moral of the story? I promise that every day I'll wake up and believe that something amazing will happen. And I'll run to find it if I have to. And you? Get moving. Your family needs you...not your old waistline.
And the project will soon be over and I'll soon thereafter be in Jamaica. rounding third and headed for home!
When I started this job my running took a turn. I still ran, but it was really a half assed effort and something that got me away from the group when traveling. It was a break from my reality. This job is stressful in that it never ends. So for a year I have watched my blood pressure creep up along with my weight. nothing crazy or alarming. Creeping.
5 weeks ago I promised myself that I would wake up BEFORE work and work out two times a week. I have also started running for speed not distance.
Today at the doctor my blood pressure was found to be back to normal with the project only three weeks away!
Moral of the story? I promise that every day I'll wake up and believe that something amazing will happen. And I'll run to find it if I have to. And you? Get moving. Your family needs you...not your old waistline.
And the project will soon be over and I'll soon thereafter be in Jamaica. rounding third and headed for home!
Monday, May 7, 2012
In My Defense...
I've been having to defend myself a lot lately. I don't really notice it as it's happening, but hindsight shows that there are a few topics that I will grow very passionate about with a quickness. I don't have time to give you all the back stories for all the points here, but I want to share briefly my stances on a few of my life's greatest debates.
1. Catholics are not better than other denominations or people. As an Episcopalian, which is modeled directly from that denomination, we subscribe to many, if not most, of the same theories and beliefs. One we don't share, among a few others, is the fact that you have to be baptized Catholic to take communion at the Catholic rail. This was brought up recently at a friend's wedding and we Anglicans (who attend our church regularly) spent too much time wondering if we were going to share a sacrament at our friend's wedding. I did and found myself having to puff up and show another human that his rules are not the one's I need to be worried about. And that a God I believe in always forgives the sinner even if they don't truly believe in Him. The timing of this is parallel to the story that the woman was fired in IN because she taught at a Catholic School and had IVF treatments to get pregnant. It's remarkable to me. And I'm not suggesting that since Catholics are not a superior denomination that means mine is. I am saying, however, in a country founded on freedom of choice and the pursuit of happiness how does one religion's RULES supersede my FREEDOMS? I have the same argument for the birth control controversy, but it's too early to even go there.
2. John Calipari is a great coach. The one and done bit is not his rule, he just plays that game better than anyone else. If games he coached are revoked we'll cross that bridge when we get there. But now I am having one of the best times as a fan of the UK Men's Basketball program. And yes most of those boys could benefit from 4 years of college education, but that's between them their mothers. Cal has nothing to do with that. Leave him out of that. And notice the growth he can inspire in the one year that he does have with those boys. (Many of which don't have an adult male role model in their life). And what outsiders often miss is what he does for other programs. With an amazing social media savvy he pulls our fans into a winning baseball season, women's basketball, swimming, etc. So I'm sorry that he doesn't beat his players like Bobby and he doesn't guzzle GnTs like Huggy bear, but he does bring home championships. And if you are a fan of anything you should be able to relate in my excitement. Just be happy for me, jerkfaces.
3. I like running. I don't love it yet. I'm not entirely convinced I ever will. I ran 13.1 yesterday then spent the rest of the day eating and drinking crap. I don't do it to be skinny (I gave up on that reality ages ago), I do it because it allows me an opportunity to learn something new all for myself. Physically and mentally. Not for work and not for my family but all for me. I'll debrief on this later, but this race I learned a bit how to be a partner. Everyone always says run your own race, but this time I trained and ran our race. I learned that I struggle sometimes with partnership. That when at mile 8 Jen told me to go on without her, I almost did. But I was so thrilled when a few miles later when I wanted to die she waited for me. Having been single so long I don't get practice in compromise. And I can't think of another venue where you get to practice so many different life lessons. Running sucks. Races are fun. My legs kill. I look forward to see what the next race has in store. And when you tell me that you hate it or that your knees can't handle it, all I hear are excuses. Because you're right. It is difficult mentally and physically I just use those are motivators and challenges in the journey. If you don't want to run, don't. But you'll never know if you can or can't do it until you truly try.
4. I believe in second chances but I don't believe that people change. People always say that they are impressed that I am a runner now considering where my life was just 5 years ago. I haven't changed though, I've just shifted my priorities. I still like to drink as much as I did back then, I just don't like to do it all the time any more. I still love concerts and baseball and crap reality tv and ice cream. I'm still a goal oriented person who doesn't mind finishing last. This conversation has most often come up with regard to my friend's ex-boy/girlfriends. If you get back with an ex the timing of the relationship and your willing to compromise more/less may be different but that you two are the same people trying a different angle at the same thing. If you poke a hole in a tent to look in, when you poke a hole on the other side it shows you the same tent just a different angle. You can convince yourself that it's different inside, and I'm happy to play along to a degree, but it's the same tent. I know this makes me seem like I'm a judgy pessimist, but how is hoping that your friends never settle and get something they truly deserve make me the bad guy? And if you ask me what I think about your bf/gf and I don't think that person suits you, then I'm going to tell you. But ultimately that's never my choice. And if you are happy so am I. But you shouldn't have to convince me that you are, I should be able to see it from across the room.
So that's it. Special thanks to my blog-stalker for inspiring these thoughts. Post-race rundown coming sometime. Or maybe not. I'm the worst blogger ever and I don't know why you all stick around. But for that I'm grateful and AMAZED for the opportunity to share my life as openly as possibly in this somewhat public private journal :).
xoxo
ghg~
1. Catholics are not better than other denominations or people. As an Episcopalian, which is modeled directly from that denomination, we subscribe to many, if not most, of the same theories and beliefs. One we don't share, among a few others, is the fact that you have to be baptized Catholic to take communion at the Catholic rail. This was brought up recently at a friend's wedding and we Anglicans (who attend our church regularly) spent too much time wondering if we were going to share a sacrament at our friend's wedding. I did and found myself having to puff up and show another human that his rules are not the one's I need to be worried about. And that a God I believe in always forgives the sinner even if they don't truly believe in Him. The timing of this is parallel to the story that the woman was fired in IN because she taught at a Catholic School and had IVF treatments to get pregnant. It's remarkable to me. And I'm not suggesting that since Catholics are not a superior denomination that means mine is. I am saying, however, in a country founded on freedom of choice and the pursuit of happiness how does one religion's RULES supersede my FREEDOMS? I have the same argument for the birth control controversy, but it's too early to even go there.
2. John Calipari is a great coach. The one and done bit is not his rule, he just plays that game better than anyone else. If games he coached are revoked we'll cross that bridge when we get there. But now I am having one of the best times as a fan of the UK Men's Basketball program. And yes most of those boys could benefit from 4 years of college education, but that's between them their mothers. Cal has nothing to do with that. Leave him out of that. And notice the growth he can inspire in the one year that he does have with those boys. (Many of which don't have an adult male role model in their life). And what outsiders often miss is what he does for other programs. With an amazing social media savvy he pulls our fans into a winning baseball season, women's basketball, swimming, etc. So I'm sorry that he doesn't beat his players like Bobby and he doesn't guzzle GnTs like Huggy bear, but he does bring home championships. And if you are a fan of anything you should be able to relate in my excitement. Just be happy for me, jerkfaces.
 |
| In case you didn't know what the national championship trophy looks like...this is what it looks like. |
4. I believe in second chances but I don't believe that people change. People always say that they are impressed that I am a runner now considering where my life was just 5 years ago. I haven't changed though, I've just shifted my priorities. I still like to drink as much as I did back then, I just don't like to do it all the time any more. I still love concerts and baseball and crap reality tv and ice cream. I'm still a goal oriented person who doesn't mind finishing last. This conversation has most often come up with regard to my friend's ex-boy/girlfriends. If you get back with an ex the timing of the relationship and your willing to compromise more/less may be different but that you two are the same people trying a different angle at the same thing. If you poke a hole in a tent to look in, when you poke a hole on the other side it shows you the same tent just a different angle. You can convince yourself that it's different inside, and I'm happy to play along to a degree, but it's the same tent. I know this makes me seem like I'm a judgy pessimist, but how is hoping that your friends never settle and get something they truly deserve make me the bad guy? And if you ask me what I think about your bf/gf and I don't think that person suits you, then I'm going to tell you. But ultimately that's never my choice. And if you are happy so am I. But you shouldn't have to convince me that you are, I should be able to see it from across the room.
So that's it. Special thanks to my blog-stalker for inspiring these thoughts. Post-race rundown coming sometime. Or maybe not. I'm the worst blogger ever and I don't know why you all stick around. But for that I'm grateful and AMAZED for the opportunity to share my life as openly as possibly in this somewhat public private journal :).
xoxo
ghg~
Monday, April 23, 2012
Tis a Gift to Be Simple...
This past few weeks I have encountered some simple pleasures. Not many and to you, they may seem silly more than simple. But for those of you who follow the blog (yes I've been slacking...don't judge) or know me best, in sharing these I'm certain you can see me smile.
...bought a dress at J Crew this week off the rack.
...John Calipari is going to be at the Reds game tomorrow.
...There's a new hire at work and I have been able to teach her things combining all my degrees and work experience into big empowering blissful engaging moments.
...I got a bride's maid dress today that I have to get tailored...in the chest.
...bought a dress at J Crew this week off the rack.
...John Calipari is going to be at the Reds game tomorrow.
...There's a new hire at work and I have been able to teach her things combining all my degrees and work experience into big empowering blissful engaging moments.
...I got a bride's maid dress today that I have to get tailored...in the chest.
...I had a turkey sandwich on multi-grain bread.
...I watched one of my dear friends get married to a man she shares a love that's so big I can hear her laughter and joy all the way from Jamaica.
...The bride and I have known each other since the 6th grade and in the 7th grade she moved two doors down from me. And ever since then she has worked kindly and diligently to include me in a group of women I would have long ago given up on. Seems harsh and I don't mean to be rude, but truth is if it weren't for Say I'd arrogantly in my youth have given up on some strong and lovely women that showcase a loyalty unlike anything I have ever known.
...Two of the other greeters I've known forever. Literally, Aimee I've known a modest 24 or so years while Birdie and I are about three months apart in age and I can't remember a summer without her. And while there are many things about the wedding I will hold dear, the moment I cherish for all my days will be the seconds before Bird and I opened the doors to reveal the prettiest girl in the room to all her family and friends.
...Mere moments after that I sent Bird chasing after Say's dress to jush her train. A story better told in person, but know that memory will bring laugher and joy to us for the next 30 years of our friendship.
Take a look around, friends, and you'll be AMAZED by the simple joys in your life too.
With Much Love,
ghg~
Somewhere there is a picture just like this but we're shorter and probably wearing ruffled socks in patten leather Mary Jane's.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Test Drive.
Got a gold star at the doctor. Cleared to wear 'regular bras'. I hesitantly asked, "can I ask you about exercise?"
"Oh, you're fine. Still some swelling, but you're good." He stopped, looked around-so to speak, and said, "no restrictions, you look great".
3 weeks post-op and I'm cleared for exercise with no restrictions. First reaction was obviously to be super pumped. But then I got nervous. What will it be like? What if I'm still a terrible runner. What if my excuse of having to pin the girls down wasn't actually the problem? I have been walking a bit. Truth is that not only have I not been working out for three weeks...but I haven't really been consistent since October.
So the coward in me decided to ease back in...this coming weekend. But I set a deadline. Saturday yoga. Sunday run. boom.
Today I was walking Cros and it was so cold out that we had to run. No choice. So, our typical walk turned into a quick jog around the block. Nothing crazy and certainly nothing far. I was right, I am more out of shape than anything, but I'll tell you this. It felt great, and I'm reminded that I love to run in the cold.
Bring it. Ready to get back to the grind! No excuses!
Alright that's it. No pictures, no moral...just wanted to let you all know that I'm still pretty happy about my decision:)
ghg~
Monday, December 26, 2011
So Long Sisters!
They're gone. My bodacious tatas are a thing of the past. There is so much I cab say but I really am struggling to put an organized thought together about this experience. I will say this. My life is forever changed. And I'm not going to leave you with nothing, CMB would object. But while I'm away working thru the emotional changes that come with such a dramatic physical alteration, I'll leave you with a few stories, observations, and pictures (clothes on, KRR...geesh) from the past week.
*I grew very nervous in the days before surgery, call it an occupational hazard, but I know too much about bacteria and blood clots to not be kinda nervous. And, again to only brazenly elude to the emotional change, I was afraid of not knowing how to be without big boobs. But as the first surgery in the morning, I was wheeled back on time, put soundly to sleep and woke up with tiny tatas. Always entertaining after anesthetic, I asked my mother no less than 30 times what the doctor told her, told CMB that I loved her, and told many MANY people via text that I felt like my nipple was in the other room.
*Which leads me to the next point. That was honestly the only pain I really felt. Everything else has been a sensation more like an ache or tenderness; my body basically having to reconstruct itself. Anyone out there thinki
ng about this procedure...it does not ever hurt that badly. Don't that deter you. But I guess there is something about detaching a nipple then reapplying it that makes it hurt. Who knew?
*My parents are amazing people. I should have put this first. But it's a fact. They cared for me and my crazy dog for a full week while trying to run a business and get ready for Christmas. And while they weren't terribly nervous about the procedure, they remain protective of their baby and her care.
*Speaking of daddys. How to say exactly, but perhaps obviously, he's a boy. Surgeries and procedures that make boobs littler are lost on boys. They can say, 'oh you'll be more comfortable', but they will never understand what it's like to have boobs. So they will never understand the want to get rid of them. Just like I will never understand the "joys" (????) of having a penis. You could talk all day about the goods and bads, but I have no clue. So it has been really interesting watching my dad come to relate to this change. The first day I was sitting in the living room with him and he, amidst asking my how I feel and other daddy practical business, says, "they really did take a great deal away, no didn't they. I mean you can really tell". Yup. That's the point. And last night when walking to my brother's for christmas dinner, he said, "now this is obviously not a surgery created by a man, but this must be one of the most life cha
nging procedures out there. I mean heart stuff is pretty important, too...but you know. You seem happy". Yup. That's the point.
*All week long I have been complaining that I have been really tired. Everyone told me it was normal due to having a major surgery the week prior. Yesterday mom said, "Don't take the blue tylenol, they are PM". Wow. for a week I have been popping Tylenol PM regularly and curious as to why I needed naps. Hm.
*I have no clothes. I am told to wait. This is going to suck for the next couple months. However, it will be amazing in the spring.
*I just uploaded my before a
nd after and only now have I truly understood how big my boobs were. Again, emotional transformation later. Now. The pics.
Bodacious.
This is the closest comparable angle. And yes, Dad. They did take a lot away.
The most unfortunate part of all this is that I haven't really seen my stomach for a good portion of the past 15 years...and, well, I have some work to do in that department:)
So that's it. I'm truly blessed that this is why I have to have surgery and am thankful for the opportunity. Again, more to come later, but if you are out there considering it. Do it.
With much love, and less...ahem...assets.
xoxo
gage
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