And what all the podcast'ers tell me is small steps are the most important ones. I really enjoy writing. I really lack self-discipline that it takes to become a "real" writer. Plus I have no idea what I'd be writing if I said, 'sit down and write for an hour every day'. Or every Tuesday or...whatever. Habit forming and self-discipline are not attributes i'm know for. But I WANT to write. I want to use the platform to help me process things. I WANT this to be something I NEED. It's my hope that the practice of writing will lend itself to the habit of creativity and the benefits of a clear mind.
They say that taking small steps consistently add up to meaningful progress. But where do I begin? Right next to self-discipline, and habit formation, decision making is also on my list of things I suck at. So I do what any modern lady would do when looking for advice...I turned to Pinterest.
And there I found, as one of my favorite bloggers suggested I may, a 30 Day Blogging challenge. I actually found about 300. And due to the aforementioned issues with decision making I just saved the first one I opened and backed away slowly from the rest. So I'm going to do it. Starting now. Be certain this will take longer than 30 days as there is zero chance this will happen consecutively. Zero. But away we go.
Day ONE: What are weird things you do when you're alone.
Of course day one and I'm already picking this question apart too tiny inoperable pieces. But the truth is that I am always alone. I am a very social person, I live in the center of a fairly large city, and obviously go to work, but I am a single woman who lives alone so 99% of what I do alone is self-sustaining tedious tasks. I sweep. I do the dishes, I work out, I get on Facebook so that I don't feel alone, I talk to my dog, I sing out loud, I write a million to do lists about my chores, and I do laundry all the fucking time. Seriously the amount of laundry that one woman can produce is remarkable.
But all of that is incredibly normal. Right? It's the shit that has to get done because I only have myself to blame if the garbage stinks up the place because it hasn't been taken out.
So now is where I confess one thing that I don't consider weird but imagine if you saw it you might think it is. I can sit perfectly still in a quiet room and stare at a wall. When my body stops moving my mind is given the chance to go out on it's own, I will stare for hours. I have before regretted how long my staring session went because I didn't simply didn't press play on the next episode of a Netflix bender and thus fell behind on my stories. Did you understand the volume of this issue: I IGNORED A PERFECTLY GOOD NETFLIX BENDER TO SIT ON THE COUCH IN SILENCE. The last one lasted nearly 2 hours.
So what do I do in that time? I look closely at my anxieties, recreate conversations that I wish would have gone better, I practice conversations that I am dreading, and sometimes I just make lists about my favorite songs based on the weather outside my window.
Unlike self-discipline, being still is a strength. It's when I do the best listening to my heart and try to encourage my feet to get moving. I honestly should do it more. And if that's weird or wrong, I don't want to be right. Part of me wishes I had to confess something like eating an entire jar of peanut butter with a knife or something...Alas, maybe the super weird will come out on Day 2.
Away we go,
Gage~
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