Hey there!
I had my 10 year high school reunion this weekend. It was fun, great to see a lot of us in the same room again. But having all the characters in place, it reminded me of how hard high school was for me. Don't get me wrong, I made some good friends who have actually proven to be some of my dear friends still to this day. But I hated it. Strict parents, zero confidence, kind of a nerd, but kinda a jock, totally awkward. I was never invited to a single dance and I wore sweat pants every day. I'm sure the last two were related. But I embraced it as best I could, burying myself into extracurriculars and holding college as the light at the end of the tunnel. So often I wish I could grab 16 year old me and promise her that it gets better. Because it does. And it did.
I went onto college and had similar struggles that any growing woman would have. And in hindsight, they were similar struggles to those I had in high school: strict academic schedules, minimal confidence, kind of a frat boy, kinda of a socialite, totally awkward. I was rarely invited to any formals, but I did start learning how to dress myself. But I embraced it as best I could, burying myself into extracurriculars (scholastic and social) and holding onto every minute of college I could, knowing that the light at the end of this tunnel was scary. I wish I could look at 21 year old me and promise her that life does get better after college and to slow down and savor every minute of it. Because it does get better, different, but better.
After college I went on my own path and had a couple break downs that any growing woman goes through. In hindsight, it's not unlike the questioning, confusion and growth that I was going through during college. I question friendships, I get sad when boys don't like me, I get disappointed when friends don't know how to be my friend, and I prefer sleeping (well anything) to work. A proper blend of experimentation, champagne, and the service industry. And while the light at the end of the tunnel is shining, I'm not certain what it is. And that's fine, I'm not scared of what's coming, or sad of what I'm leaving behind. Just growing a little impatient to find out what's next. I wonder what 35 year old me would say to 28 year old me. That it gets better, slower, but better.
I had a conversation with someone at the reunion.
"You still living down here?"
"Yup."
"Of course you are. Think you'll ever leave?"
"Not sure, it suits me now, but I guess we'll just have to see."
"I'm sure you'll grow out of it someday."
I guess I prefer to think of it as growing through it, with it, and in spite of it.
Pay no mind to the fact that this person was being totally condescending about my single and unsettled life. Because no matter where I end up, these experiments and phases will still be with me. I am AMAZED by the opportunities I have had throughout my life to grow, waste time, make bad decisions, drive fast and take chances, make friends, lose friends, regret nothing and learn from everything.
So thanks, BHS c/o 1999 for being a part of the ride.
Amazing A-musings to come:
*Today's paradox: If I eliminated every boy that a friend of mine has dated there wouldn't be anyone left. But when exactly is it okay to start pursing this without infringing on the "girl code".
*People at the gym who don't sweat, clearly don't eat anything either.
*Christmas through the eyes of children is as close to heaven as we mortals can get in this life:)
Until then...with MUCH love,
ghg~
No comments:
Post a Comment