"Do you trust me?"

Remember learning to ride a bike? I am the youngest child, so for me, as it was with many life skills, it was a lot of observation then my parents telling me it was time to just do it. In this instance, I presume it had something to do with the fact that they they were tired of dragging my ass in the kiddie seat on the back of their bike. I have never been a small *light* child.

I vividly remember Daddy and I in the driveway. He would run behind me under stern and explicit orders to hold on for as long as I needed him to, ensuring my comfort as I eased into this challenge and new adventure in my life. It should be noted that these orders came from me, not my mother...she was the one who threw me off the high-dive in another childhood milestone.

"Daddy don't let go"
"I'm not letting go. pedal"
"I don't feel your hand. You let go"
"I didn't let go"
"Yes you did"
"No I didn't"

Except that he did. And while we were disputing perspectives, I rode a bike by myself.

My father has never given me any reason not to trust him. Not from that or any other moment in my upbringing. It would seem at those moments when I questioned his behavior to a point of concern, it was actually my skills that I doubted. And he was actually supporting and trusting my skills, talents, and strengths more than I could ever dream to provide for myself.


Should you trust a street rat?



It's time I tell my blogging audience that I have met someone. He's pretty great. I think I like him. I've gone on several dates with other men just to make sure. It's still up in the air. I think. But maybe not. He's pretty great.

I'm terrible at relationships, and I feel quite certain that the bottom will fall out of this at any moment. My past experiences with relationships have all been pretty unlucky, no matter the seriousness or titles associated with said experiences. I would gain confidence in myself, both independently and within the relationship, when inevitably I would get knocked down.

You may say that by their very nature, relationships that don't work are typically considered unlucky. And you may also say that those relationships are integral to learning how to love. They are my training wheels. The hard part, and my ultimate reality, is that my training wheels have never been eased off while trying to ride alone. They were kicked out from under me by immaturity, inconsistency, and infidelity. Sadly, each instance I thought there was someone holding onto the back of my bike.

That makes it hard to get back on and ride.

But you have to. And I'm trying. The scariest part about this, as opposed to really riding a bike, is that you can never really be certain that this is the time you'll do it. No matter the mental toughness the reality is that it takes two to tango. If it were up to me, I'd totally be in a committed relationship. (And if it were up to my Mother, she was have suggested that years ago).

But I'm back on and riding this wobbly kind of a ride with a guy who has really given me no reason not to trust him. Even when I get to a point of the relationship where I think...oh that's it, he's gone for sure...he responds to my insecurities with frankness and honesty and kindness. He's pretty great.

Now let's not get ahead of ourselves. I still don't call him my boyfriend, and frankly much would have to change before I did. But it's been AMAZING watching us learn about each others skills, talents, and strengths as we see where this can go. Sometimes it has taken turns I didn't expect, but we have our hands on the back of the bikes...